Trying to go home

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Today is 8 weeks since Brendan Bjorn was admitted to hospital for his spinal fusion the following day. 2 months. 2 very long months. I don’t want to go back to the hospital. I sit here in our current rental house surrounded by a clutter of boxes and miscellaneous items all awaiting a move to our forever home which hasn’t yet happened. I don’t want to be here, either.

I’m tired. To my very core, I am tired. 

I want to go home to a house we’ve yet to move into.

I want to be able to bring Brendan Bjorn home, to a home he’s yet to even see, rather than him go into care after being discharged from hospital…whenever that will happen.

I want to beg the solicitors to please, please hurry up and just let us move in this week, or next if need be, but to not delay any further.

I want to be under the same roof with both of my sons. Safe, healthy, warm and getting ready for Christmas. Together.

We need to be home.

You might not understand as I spell out my anxiety-ridden desperation in words on this page. And that’s ok. I write for myself as much as for others to possibly gain understanding and compassion for families on a journey such as ours. I’ve learned that even other families in similar situations don’t fully understand what it’s like to be a single parent with literally no family to lend support, encouragement and love. It’s not a situation that many can understand, but it does happen. There are people in this world who have no close or extended family members to be there for them. I just happen to be one of those people. And that’s ok – it’s just the way it is.

Back to the hospital.
Back to the bench next to Brendan’s bed.
Back to the fight to get him well enough to be discharged.
But to where? Will it be to our forever home? I can only hope to God it is.

We need to be home. 

 

home quote

One thought on “Trying to go home

  1. JOE CLUXTON

    Ah Tracy my heart goes out to you and the boys everyone wants a place that they can call home that feels like home .
    There is no place like home hopefully you and your boys will be at HOME real soon 💜

    Like

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