2 January 2025. Last year, 2024, was filled with countless struggles, likely on the back of poorly thought out decisions, those likely under the influence of grief tinged with desperately desiring changes. Quite the vicious cycle. The year ended with Christmas being the most lonely I’ve ever had, and frankly the most disregarded I’ve ever felt. Anyway, it’s over. Whew! On to the new.

So this is me, now landing in 2025 with no resolutions. Only hopes.

Resolutions have a way of adding pressure that leads to self-disappointment when they go unmet. Frankly, I have enough of that left over from last year, I don’t need more of it. So, hope. I’m going to write down 15 things – some big, some small – I hope will come to fruition. I’ll have to work at them, of course, but hoping sounds so much more positive and warm to me than a cold, hard, resolution.

Here goes, in no particular order:

• I hope to find a doctor, or doctors, who can finally resolve the debilitating peripheral neuropathy in my feet which has been plaguing me for about 4 years. It’s grown worse and keeps me from being nearly as active as I once was; as I want and need to be. Handing me a script for Gabapentin isn’t the answer. I hope to find one.
• I hope to finish one of the two books (if not both of them, I say cheekily) that I am working on by the end of 2025 when I’ll turn 60. (60?! That can’t be right!)
• I hope to find the self-confidence to not colour my hair anymore and just let it go grey…and be proud of it.
• I hope to lose weight.
• I hope to become more healthy.
• I hope to be less depressed.
• I hope to have less anxiety.
• I hope to be the best parent possible to my wonderful son, Declan.
• I hope to learn the art of letting go while holding on.
• I hope to visit friends in Scotland and Yorkshire during the year.
• I hope to develop more inner peace.
• I hope to make new friends, ones that are true and present.
• I hope to be a good friend in return.
• I hope I still have a positive voice in disability and carer advocacy that will result in much needed improvements in those communities.
• I hope to release the dark despair while gaining the lightness of hope.

Here’s to hope. May we all have more of it in 2025.

For you, my angel boy, Brendan Bjørn, because you were the embodiment of hope, and for you Declan, because you give me hope for the future.