It’s Christmastime – the season filled with hope and love. To be sure, I’m filled with much love. My 2 sons are my world and I love them with everything that I am. Now as for hope, that’s a bit more difficult to keep hold of lately.

But, I will try. I will try to hold onto hope.

Today is 9 weeks since Brendan Bjorn was admitted to hospital for a spinal fusion. One complication after another finds us still here. But hopefully he will be discharged this week. Hopefully. If he is discharged, he won’t be going to our rental house as it isn’t suitable and therefore not safe for his needs, primarily the requirement of having to use a hoist now that his spine is fused. So, it will most likely be to a respite care facility that he will be discharged until we can get into our forever home: Brendan’s Bungalow.

A few days ago, I got the very upsetting news that the second bungalow I was in the process of purchasing wasn’t going to happen. The owners decided not to sell at this time. I’ve not had much sleep since I got the news as anxiety has been getting the best of me. So, once again, it’s time to stand up after being knocked down and dust myself off. There is another suitable bungalow I had viewed in September that is still for sale. Tomorrow I will make plans to view it this week for a second time, have the survey done, and begin the purchase process…again. Third time a charm?

Hope. I have to hold onto some amount of hope that this one will work out.

We only have a few weeks to get the required, suitable bungalow and move in. The pressure and stress of that is overwhelming. Can it be done? I don’t know. I really don’t know. All I know is that my love for these 2 beautiful sons of mine will keep me going; keep me trying. I have to, full stop.

And I have to keep hope.

Hope we’ll get the house, and in time. Hope Brendan’s new sore will heal and not keep him from using his wheelchair like his pressure sore did the past 2 years. Hope the infection in the sore is now gone. Hope. There is a lot to hope for this week.

As I sit here in Brendan’s hospital room in Crumlin, it’s not even 7pm and he’s sound asleep. I look at him in awe. He truly amazes me. Would you or I go through all he’s been through and still exude the pure love and joy that he does? I have my doubts that we would. Yes, I am in awe of him. (That’s me with tears in my eyes now just sitting here looking at him and thinking of how blessed I am to be his mother)

For him.
For Declan.
For all that this week may bring.
I will face it with love and hope.