Sorry Brendan, but you just need to wait.

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I’m sorry, Brendan, but you need to be patient. Just keep laying there in your bed in discomfort as your scoliosis grows worse. You need to wait…longer still. You need to understand things don’t happen overnight. Take it handy, as they say. Just wait. And while you wait, hope you don’t get to the point where you’re no longer a suitable candidate for a spinal fusion because you’ve developed an open wound in the crease of your increasingly bent side where your lower ribs hit your pelvic bone.

Sorry Brendan, you just need to wait.

I’m sorry, Brendan, but you need to be patient. There is no answer being given as to why you’re not yet on the operation schedule. There is no answer being given as to if you’ll be put on it for next month. There is no answer being given as to if the consultant can ring to say why you have waited over 14 months now, and why you continue to wait. There is no answer as to if anyone is in the office today. There seem to be no answers.

Sorry Brendan, you just need to wait.

I’m sorry, Brendan, but you need to be patient. I know that you want to be able to have a shower, to get out of your bed daily so you can sit in your wheelchair and go for a stroll, but there is no way to use a hoist in this rental house. You just need to wait for the snails pace it takes to purchase a home that will be suitable for your medical care. You just need to wait, unshowered and unable to be safely transferred…wait.

Sorry Brendan, you just need to wait.

I’m sorry, Brendan, but you need to not worry about if you’ll be separated from me and your beloved little brother once you do have your operation if we don’t have the suitable home bought and set up for you in time. You’ll just need to be patient as you wonder where I am, unable to speak, no one sitting with you 24 hours a day, in pain after such a major operation, no one who can read your every whimper and every facial expression. You’ll just need to wait alone in a hospital room if you begin to aspirate or have a seizure and I’m not there with you while I am away trying to be present for your brother. You’ll just need to be patient while you lay there wondering why you’re not at home with your family…your world.

Sorry Brendan, you just need to wait.

I can’t bring myself to tell Brendan all of this, yet this is what I am being told. If you tell me these to wait for what needs to be done, at the end of the day, it isn’t me who is being told to wait – it is Brendan. Could you look in his eyes and tell him to wait?

How can I wait? How can I be patient, when so very much is at stake? How can I be patient or stay calm? Look into those eyes, and tell him to wait.

march 21

2 thoughts on “Sorry Brendan, but you just need to wait.

  1. My heart aches each time I read your blog. I am so very sorry. I wish I could contribute more to your fundraiser. I have a son with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. He did have the surgery but the rods were so infected we had to have them removed 3 years later. This will not happen to Brendan. I understand all of your worries, wishes, and concerns. I do not understand England (I think that is where you live) and why there is not more assistance for you and your family. We were on long waiting lists but help did come through for us. I was a teacher for 32 years and I remember all of the sleepless nights and still having to go to work the next day. Wondering if I would outlive my son or if my son would outlive me. My son is now 31 years old, with a vent and full time nursing care. It is worth the fight, it worth the struggle. I am praying for you, that may sound weak but I have no more money to donate but my heart is truly with you. I do wish I could come buy offer to stay with the boys and give you some respite. You need to be able to go to the grocery store to shop by yourself without the stress and strain of worry. I am by your side every step of the way. I continue to wait for a miracle to happen for you. I can’t wait for the day to hear it has all been worked and Brendan has had the surgery and is at home with you at his side healing. Sending you so much love. from one mother to another.

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  2. Tracy, you touch my soul where most never do, nor won’t.
    It’s obviously you who suffer, waiting, and trying to keep Brendan Borg in fit condition for surgery whenever it may come.
    I know that intensely sick waking moments of fear of another unchanged day. I don’t, however, attempt to say I know how you feel – nobody knows but you.
    Much love to you and your boys. 💕

    Like

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