Holding on Tighter


Our children are supposed to lose us one day when we grow old, just as we are to lose our own parents when they grow old. We aren’t supposed to lose our own child. That is just not the right order of life. It’s not how life should go. It just isn’t. What it is, though, is the most devastating emotional pain a person can experience, of that I have no doubt. And no, I haven’t yet experienced that pain, though many I know have. But yes, one day I too will know that pain first hand.

Today, my local SN community of families was rocked by a sudden passing of a beautiful little girl. This angel I last saw a few weeks ago as her hospital room was just around the corner from my son Brendan’s room. I can’t find the right words to describe how utterly stunned I was hearing the news this morning. But not just me. There isn’t one of us in our SN community that doesn’t feel genuine heartbreak when one of “our” angels gains his or her wings. We love one another’s children immensely. We have a bond that is woven tight by strands of fire-tested strength.

And, we know we too will be there…one day.
We never forget that.

We reach out with love, prayers, words of comfort. We light candles. We post “our” loss on social media to pay tribute to the angels we lose and in attempt to share this grief, hoping others can understand the anguish in our special community.

Privately, we fall to our knees when no one is looking and we sob, often uncontrollably, as another angel transitions…as another angel gains wings for flying with all the others who left before…and who will be waiting with pure love when it is our angel’s time.

There is something else we say, and we actually do, after one of our angels transitions. We Hold On Tighter to our special angel. We literally, physically, lovingly, and dare I say with a hint of fear, hold on tighter. And then more tears fall.

Tonight I tucked my Brendan Bjorn into his bed and after holding on tightly, I kissed him on the cheek and told him to send kisses to the angels. And I have no doubt that he will.

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2 thoughts on “Holding on Tighter

  1. Helen Stamp Miko

    Tracy– When Brando was alive, every time I heard of another friend’s child gaining their wings, I would grab Brandon tightly and sob. I think we hold them tightly as we, as mothers, think we can hold on longer to them that way.
    Now, when I hear of a child gaining their wings, I grieve for the parents. As I know the torture and pain the parents and rest of the family are going through.

  2. june reynolds

    We have been here, lost our angel coming up to 4 years November so I feel their pain, holding on tight is what we do, There our perfect babies forever ♡♡♡

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