Waiting for a break


I wait for a break as week 3 of being housebound fast approaches.

I wait for a break today when a fellow mother selflessly drives up all the way from Waterford to me here in north Kildare to give me that 3 hours of respite I desperately need.

I wait to hear why I haven’t had HSE provided in-home respite for months now, only to find out the nurse and home aid who previously provide this service are no longer with that company and now there is no one available to help me.

I wait for a break for my son, Brendan Bjorn, who has laid trapped in his bed for over a month now with a pressure sore that has only worsened, not become any better.

I wait to hear from the county’s Tissue Viability Nurse so we can set an appointment for her to (hopefully) call out to the house and examine Brendan Bjorn’s painful pressure sore.

I wait…I think somewhat pointlessly…wondering why the powers at be have left us out here in the middle of nowhere with little to no urgent intervention and assistance.

I wait for a break in housing, dreaming one day that – please God, before it is too late – I will receive the news there is a suitable, safe, bungalow ready for us to move into and call our forever home.

I wait for nearly anyone to ring me with offers of help, alas, I wait mostly in vain.

I wait for arms to someday hold me so I can cry uncontrollably, finally releasing even a portion of the pain buried so deep within.

I wait for so many things to improve because without hope I will be lost.

And I wait to see how much longer I can go without breaking. 

2 thoughts on “Waiting for a break

  1. Inguna Brazil

    Tracy, You will survive , and it will not break You, it’s only will make You stronger for Your boys.Brendan and Declan have an admirable mom,!

  2. Dear Tracy, Isolation is so painful and you are isolated where you live now. I am coming onto your blog only the last few months, but by reaching out through your writings, although not as comforting as having an understanding friend sitting across your table from you, sharing your thoughts directly, you are not alone, sweet girl. I care for you and I am praying for you and your boys. That isn’t the respite you so crave and so need, not is it the arms you can feel surround you as you release all the pent-up anguish you feel, but it is real and it is in the here-and-now. I promise you I will be praying for you continuously especially today. Love to you.

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