The passing of time

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Today marks 4 weeks since Brendan Bjorn was admitted to hospital for a spinal fusion. Due to complications with infection after surgery and now with his intestinal system, we are still here. Time has passed terribly slowly, to be sure. It seems like ages ago since the three of us were under the same roof. And when I say roof, I don’t mean the roof of a hospital. I mean that of a home.

I ache to return to our quiet little family life.

This past week, Declan has been here in Dublin with me, staying at the wonderful Ronald McDonald House. It has given the boys the opportunity to spend their days together before Declan heads back to his Godmother’s house tomorrow with the return of school.

He doesn’t want to go.
I don’t want him to go. 
And I’m sure Brendan will wonder where Declan has gone.

Did I already say that I ache to return to our quiet little family life?

I’ve told Declan that with the passing of time – and maybe with the generosity of hindsight – we will soon be able to look back on this challenging period with a sense of relief, newly found assurance in strength gained, and an ever increasing understanding of just how much we cherish the time together we are blessed to share. And while I know he doesn’t fully grasp the depth of what I’m saying, I know he will…with the passing of time.

These last 4 weeks I’ve been pulled into the past and thrown into the future, trying to sort out what comes next, while attempting to cling to the present where decisions and care must take precedence. Housing still weighs very heavily on my mind and as of this writing is still not secured. While there is no discharge date in sight for Brendan, the pressure to have that suitable forever home ready for discharge day is no less urgent. It must be sorted, and sorted urgently.

I know, I really should take my words to Declan and let them soak into my own soul: With the passing of time, it will be alright. I just need to have faith and hope and believe that it will be. This is probably where I’m going wrong tonight, as I sit here staring at my laptop screen nearly too tired to piece together a proper sentence.

Maybe I’ll fall asleep tonight thinking of Christmas. The three of us together in our forever home, safe and healthy, Brendan looking at all the Christmas lights with wonder in his eyes as he does every year, us loving each other as we do, and looking forward to a new year with a new start for us all.

Surely, with the passing of time…hopefully not too much more time…it will come to be. 

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2 thoughts on “The passing of time

  1. The surgery is done, one thing is accomplished. so now it’s the next step. I’m wishing you and your family so much love and hopefully all of wishes will come true. Did the house you want fall through? Meaning, did it sell and you couldn’t get it? I’m so sorry. something just has to open up for your family. I’m sill hanging on and sending you all of my best wishes and prayers for your family.

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