Today is December 13th, my birthday. Let’s just say I’m 39…again. Somedays I feel 25. Other days I feel 105. When it comes to numbers, the number attached to my age isn’t important today. There are, however, some numbers that are very important to me today so I’ll list them here for all to consider.

50: The number of days Brendan Bjorn has been bedridden due to his pressure sore opening back up for the 3rd time this year.

104: The number of days so far this year that Brendan Bjorn has been bedridden in total due to that pressure sore.

2: The number of days Brendan will be in overnight respite at LauraLynn starting tonight while Declan and I spend my birthday away for a couple of days.

15: The total number of nights I get off per year via respite at LauraLynn Children’s Hospice.

0: The number of in-home respite hours I’ve had in the past 5 months.

24: The number of hours I work per day.

7: The number of days per week that I work.

0: The number of retirement pensions I have to look forward to.

9: The number of years since I’ve been able to work in my professional career field.

2: The number of weeks I’ve been waiting for the county’s tissue viability nurse to ring me just to set the appointment to come out and examine Brendan’s pressure sore.

1: The number of days Brendan Bjorn has made it to school this school year.

30: The number of days since I rescheduled Brendan’s spinal fusion assessment with a promise they would ring me back that same day to reschedule, but with no word since.

6: The number of months since Brendan was placed on the “urgent” spinal fusion list, which is to be no longer than a 4 month wait.

1: The number of years I’ve been trying to find a suitable rental house via HAP that will fit all of Brendan’s special care requirements, but with no luck at all.

1: The number of years the boys and I have been stuck living in an unfinished, unsuitable, unsafe, unregistered house on the private rental market.

2: The number of rental houses I will go view today, again hoping to be selected for the crumbs of an insecure tenancy lease in what will obviously not be a forever, stable, fully suitable or modifiable family home for my boys.

1,100: The number of euros it will cost each month to rent one of the above mentioned houses (but this one actually has a wet room and a ground floor bedroom!).

12: The number of days until Christmas…a day I will set aside all of these worries; a day I hope Brendan’s pressure sore will be healed by so that he can be taken out of his bed and brought into the sitting room to watch his little brother around the Christmas tree; a day I will focus solely on the gifts I have: my 2 beautiful sons.

But for today, it’s my birthday…and there are far too many numbers on my mind.