Today I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done to date. I went to a funeral home to pre-plan Brendan Bjorn’s funeral. I thought doing that for my mother when I was just 24 was hard, but it pales in comparison to what I did today. My first born child. My precious, beautiful, beloved son.
For the last time, I had his devoted brother watch over Brendan Bjorn while I left him.
For the last time, I made plans about Brendan Bjorn’s future.
And I think my soul is being torn to bits.
Talk of arrangements…what to do, when to do it, how to do it.
Flowers and a casket.
Private or public repose, if any at all. Day before or same day.
Streaming the service, or not, for those unable to attend.
My head spins.
My stomach with an awful pain the past two days.
My hands trembling for the past few weeks.
Costs. I ask about costs.
For the last time, I ask about how much something will cost for Brendan Bjorn.
For the last time, I reluctantly resort to asking for help to cover those costs.
For the last time, the humiliation at doing so rises within me as I do just that, one last time, for my Brendan Bjorn.
Via GoFundMe at: https://www.gofundme.com/f/funeral-costs-for-brendan-bjorn
Or via PayPal at: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/4BrendanBjorn
And I now know my soul is being torn to bits.