Today, my precious, fragile, beautiful first born son, Brendan Bjorn, turns 14 years old.
And I am in awe of him. I know many parents might say that about their child. We are certainly not an objective group. But I truly am in awe of my son. Despite all of his challenges, the physical pain, the hardships – he loves. He is love. He exudes love as he looks up at me and that smile grows ever bigger while his blue eyes work their way into a smiling squint.
And you can just feel the unconditional love of the angel that is him.
Yesterday, I made a video (see here) to celebrate his journey thus far. As I rummaged through the plastic storage box which holds memories from his early days, I was brought to my knees.
My old journal that I started on January 30, 2004 – the day I found out I was pregnant with him.
Photos of me every month as I grew bigger with a child I had no idea would take me on this journey.
October 1, 2004.
I still wish that I could look back at those photos and have it not be bittersweet, but rather just be sweet. But, it isn’t. After 4 miscarriages, to give birth to a child that the doctor tells you is perfectly healthy, is total elation! But, to look back at those photos 14 years later – with the often cruel wisdom of hindsight – and see your former self reflected back at you now…it is different. It is bittersweet. Because the me from today knows what the me from that glorious day didn’t know: That within a month’s time, my world would come crashing down as my perfectly healthy baby boy was diagnosed with severe brain damage from congenital CMV (cytomegalovirus).
October 1, 2018.
Today is a new day. My warrior angel Brendan Bjorn lies sleeping peacefully in the room next to me as I type out my thoughts in this blog. I will soon go into his room, give him the morning round of kisses and cuddles, and receive that gift that is Brendan. Like I said above, it is me who receives the biggest gift today. Later, his brother Declan and I will bring in his balloons (which are absolutely huge!) and sing happy birthday to the other half of our hearts…and I will continue to mask my worry and fear that how in a week from today, Brendan will be undergoing his biggest battle yet in the form of a spinal fusion.
Yes, today is about celebration! I wish all of you reading this could feel the love in the room that he radiates to all near him. Hopefully the birthday video will give you all a glimpse into the blessing that is Brendan Bjorn.
Happy 14th birthday, my angel, my baby boy, Brendan Bjorn!
6 thoughts on “14 years”
Happy Birthday Brendan , 🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂
Always smiling, wishing you all especially you Brendan the best day ever and more importantly the best yr post your successful surgery.
Happy birthday Brendan Bjorn! And well done, Mama! Best wishes for a very successful surgery!
Happy, happy birthday to Brendan. I know it is not an easy road for you or Brendan but his smile says it all. 🎂😇🎉🍧🍦🍭
Tracy, that video is beautiful, brought me to tears as I watched it while waiting in the car for my 2 kids to come out from school. He is always smiling! I don’t know how you stay so strong, but as the song says because it’s your child! Hope things go well next week,
Hi Tracy, i knew i remembered that Brandan’s birthday was in October!
Hope you and the boys enjoyed it.
I see a big surgery is coming up. I wish you a lot of strength.
Did you find a house to make a forever home?
Lots of love from the Netherlands from Natasja en a big birthday kiss from Mirthe for your gorgeous boys!