It’s been a fortnight of very mixed emotions. There has been good, there has been bad and unfortunately, there has been ugly…

Some of the good:

• Brendan Bjorn has been steadily gaining weight since his PEG feeds have been increased over a very slow 20 hour timeframe. It’s working!!
• A legal matter has finally been resolved after a nearly 18 month wait, during which time we were left without any assistance such as Carer’s Allowance, One Parent family, winter heating allowance, and household benefit package (part of Carer’s). By the grace of friends and charity, we have survived.
• Recently, Declan volunteered to be a part of the MyNameIs campaign against child homelessness in Ireland. I helped him make a video to raise awareness. When we had spent a week in Dublin this past January, Declan was tremendously moved at seeing the vast amount of homeless people sleeping in doorways as we walked daily from Stephen’s Green to his class at the Gaiety School of Acting. This campaign has provided him – and all of us – an opportunity to speak out. I am tremendously proud of his compassionate heart!
• I found out that my blog has been selected to be on the longlist for an award in 2 categories – Health & Wellbeing and Parenting – with Blog Awards Ireland. Exciting stuff! Now to make the shortlist!

The bad…

• There are 7 days until school starts and I still haven’t secured a rental home in Kilkenny that is suitable for Brendan Bjorn’s special requirements. The stress brings on panic attacks and hives and I comfort eat which doesn’t help the weight or blood pressure, but it’s the truth. (There is a joke somewhere in there, I know, but will leave it for another day!)
• The Environmental Health inspector came out to our current rental. Let’s just say the report won’t be pretty. I didn’t expect it would be. Once you have birds flying around in the dormer rooms, you know it’ll be bad.
• My well-worn accessible van died on the side of the M9 last week, leaving me and the boys stranded for a couple hours while we waited for the tow truck. In those 2 hours, I was on the phone non-stop trying to find an accessible taxi or an accessible van even to hire. It literally took me that long to find one! €280 to the taxi man and we got back to north Kildare.

The ugly…

• Social media. People can be quite cruel as they hide behind their keyboard and fire off slanderous statements, lies, and try to create hurt where none is due. I was at the receiving end of such ugliness recently and a friend let me know. I won’t lie, it hurt like hell to see, but I am grateful for someone looking out for me in this way. The ugliness is a reflection of those who spewed it. I will remember this as best I can and move forward from here.
• Last week, we had a rental bungalow pulled out from under us after being told we had been chosen for the lease and paying the deposit. I had already begun the process of getting Declan enrolled in the local school, told Brendan’s special school we found a place and would be there the first week of September, contacted a moving company, and all the other many tasks that come with moving a special needs household. But then it was pulled out from us for reasons that can only be considered as excuses considering the agent told me a friend of the landlord expressed interest in the house after I had already been told the lease was mine. To me, this is ugly business. You simply don’t do that to a family, especially to a child who has walked through the home and had begun planning in his mind how things would look. A child, who after months of fruitless searching with his mother and having finally been told this is his new home, began to feel secure in thinking he was settled at last. You just don’t do that…if you have integrity and ethics.

Yes, it’s been a fortnight of very mixed emotions. There has been good, there has been bad and unfortunately, there has been ugly. All the while, the constant that keeps me going is the love I have for my 2 beautiful sons. They will be my inspiration, motivation and what fills my heart for as long as I live…and my heart couldn’t be more full of love for them than it is every single day!